Today we have a very special guest star.
Can I get a warm 24 Days of Cookies welcome for J-Dub!
(And the crowd goes
J-Dub doesn’t know she’s my guest start today, but she probably could have guessed as much. You see, dear readers, she recently posted this on my Facebook Page:
“I need 5 dozen cookies. What should I make?”
To which I replied, “You? A phone call.”
J-Dub doesn’t bake. She doesn’t cook. She doesn’t defrost. She barely assembles, and rarely goes grocery shopping. Hence, my confidence in her baking abilities.
But I suggested that she should make Toffee Grahams because they are super easy and quick–I even referenced her in the blog last year when I made these.
This week, she made them. Wait, that was the end result. Sorry to spoil the end of this horror story, but I feel you all will benefit by knowing that she actually made them successfully.
How she got to that point was a nightmare.
It started with some texts.
“So I am about to attempt those toffee cookies. How many gram crackers did you fit on a cookie sheet? I have them broken to fingers and have 24. The recipe says 48 fingers. Should this be enough to cover 2 cookie sheets?”
And then I got the picture.
I gently explained to her that the graham crackers needed to be “wall-to-wall” on the cookie sheet and that she may not want to use tin foil.
(And by gently, I mean I called her and yelled obscenities in her ear.)
I asked why she was even doing this, and practically in tears she told me that her kids’ new school makes every family bring 5 dozen homemade baked items for some cookie walk thing.
“It *has* to be homemade!” she cried.
I asked if she could get a waiver or a handicapped sticker or something, and it was a no-go. I don’t know for sure, but I think she tried to appeal the PTA.
I do feel bad about this. If she would have only told me this sooner, I could have written her a
doctor’s baker’s note.
We hung up, but the texts continued.
“Shut it. Two sticks of butter. Short sticks or long sticks? Like four short ones?” she asked.
I should mention that Crunchy Granola was also on this series of texts, and she tried to help.
“Each stick is 1/2 cup”
I had never heard of short sticks of butter. I offered to drive down to help her. It’s only two hours…
Then, because I’m apparently the crazy one, she sent me this picture of her husband with said short sticks of butter.
I swear to you, I have never seen such things. Is this what they sell in Milwaukee? Is this why everyone there is always so angry?
I should also tell you that while our text tirades generally are just me, J-Dub, and Crunchy Granola, for this special occasion, all of the husbands got in on the action too.
“[Disgruntled Husband] asked if the Keebler Elves sold you that butter.”
What I learned later is that CG and her husband were out Christmas shopping and also having a good laugh at what was going on.
Still baffled by the
midget little person butter, I simply said that she needed 16 Tablespoons of butter, however that happened. But just to show you that I’m not always so sweet and darling, I added this:
“And I swear if you get out an actual spoon, I will end you.”
I still had no answers about the butter, but started getting more pictures.
And in the end, J-Dub pulled it off!
This is what she had to say about it:
“I am questioning my whole life. I’ve been living a lie. I can bake!”
And I took this opportunity to congratulate and encourage my dear friend:
“Well…You can assemble, boil, and cut. With heavy instruction.”
Let’s not get carried away, J-Dub.
So there you have it, if J-Dub can make these, there might be hope for humanity.
Now let me tell you about the time I saw her start a fire in a microwave by “making dessert.”
(from Gooseberry Patch’s Old Fashioned Country Cookies)
24 square graham crackers
2 sticks butter
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. chopped pecans
Preheat oven to 325. Arrange cracker squares on a lightly greased cookie sheet with edges around it. In a saucepan, bring the butter and sugar to a boil and boil for 2 minutes. Pour over crackers, covering them well. Sprinkle with nuts and bake for about 10 minutes. Cool slightly and cut into 24 squares or 48 “fingers.”
(I made these today, too.)
Cookies today: 48
Cookies this year: 674